


Hair of the Dog

by fishfuneral



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drinking, F/M, Homophobia, M/M, My First Fanfic, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Snape is an incel, callout on my twitter dot com, i write peter pettigrew as a pretty nice guy and i am sorry, if anything they're antagonists, oh also there will be zero Snape sympathy in this, original characters donut steal, sometimes... canon... is worse, that's right Avery Jr is a homophobe, they're not the protagonists though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-07-31 08:57:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20112502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishfuneral/pseuds/fishfuneral
Summary: A mystery unfolds in the Marauders' sixth year of Hogwarts, accompanied by growing tensions between them and future death eaters, and questioning roles in each other's lives. After a girl in their class goes missing, the boys decide to pursue her in hopes of unearthing answers to the strange events happening around school. Answers feel unobtainable the further they investigate, and the further they investigate, the more dangerous those answers become. Former title "Limb to Limb."





	1. Blackest Water

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally the first fanfic I've ever written, which is baffling. What do people say in these things? Like, comment, and subscribe, and don't forget to hit that little bell in the corner so you will be notified of my every movement.
> 
> Tumblr: spacefuneral  
Twitter: fishcarcass  
Patreon: fishfuneral
> 
> New title is a specific reference to "Grand Paradise" by Foxing, but obviously multiple layers of things.  
Old title was from "Limb to Limb" by Mellowdrone.

A trio of footsteps pounded through the courtyard, the only thing blanketing the commotion down toward the black lake. All eyes followed the friends as they shot their way past, robes loose and tousled save for the straggler at the end--who couldn’t run as fast as the others, but tried his best to keep up. At the front was James Potter, with his glasses askew on his straight nose, perhaps with a broken arm unable to cling to his right ear. He held above his head an old book, ragged and frayed.

“Peter!” he yelled, “Peter!”

Directly behind James was Sirius Black, whose curly black hair was whipping against his cheeks, stray strands caking to them with the blood that dripped from his nostrils, bruises forming around the flesh of his upper lip. He was eagerly pushing James’ back with his hand, urging him to run faster than he could manage. He was thirteen again, almost thrilled by a hunt.

And then there was Remus Lupin. He was breathing heavy and falling further and further behind. He looked less like their friend and more like a prefect who couldn’t catch a couple of troublemakers. Perhaps, in a different timeline, that would have been what Remus was to them--but, even as they ran down the hill to the lake, leaving Remus in their dust, he knew better.

Normally, nobody messed with Peter Pettigrew much. Truth be told, there was a lot to tease the guy for; he wasn’t particularly good looking, wasn’t particularly smart, nor particularly brave--and he liked questionable things, like speaking aimlessly into his ham radio, or sitting with and feeding stray vermin on the grounds. One could say that Peter fell behind on a lot of levels. However, there was a kindness to him--a vulnerability of the heart that made him a good and loyal friend. His friendship with Sirius and James protected him--just as it protected Remus. They were a tight knit group of struggling kids, and they held onto each other tighter than family. Of course, things could only ever be so easy.

Peter’s biggest flaw was that he was gullible. They all knew he was gullible. Sometimes, Sirius’ teasing would go a little too far, but they never intentionally used this fact against Peter. His naivety was a part of his charm--to be jaded, Peter would lose all the spark that drove him to be the friend that he was. Still, while the trio never hurt Peter, that didn’t stop other people from picking at him when their backs were turned. School had hardly started for their sixth year when chattering had filled the common room, everyone surrounding the windows to try to catch a glimpse of the hubbub down at the water.

Eli Avery stood at the start of the dock, watching with a cruel smirk as Peter stood frozen at the end and peered over the edge. He and his shitty friend, Tristram Mulciber, made a split second decision to take Peter’s book and toss it into the black lake--a choice they wouldn’t have made the year before, but now there was a strained relationship between the boys. Those who would once ignore the likes of a Potter or a Black now didn’t care of their relations--or even Peter’s relations. As Remus caught up with them, he had no wonder that this was just the start of a series of petty revenge.

“Peter!” James shouted again, before their peer suddenly teetered near the edge of the dock. Before he could go plummeting into the black water below, James lunged forward and grabbed him by the arm. From the crowd, there were some gasps and some grumbles. This wasn’t quite the show they had expected, it seemed.

“J- James, they took my--” he stopped as he gazed up at James, his fear wiping away from his expression quicker than it came. “Wh- Where did you f- find that?” What relief he had was masked by the tears that lingered. He took his book from James with both hands and hugged it close to his chest.

“We found Mulciber with it,” James told him, catching his breath quickly, “had to beat it out of him, but you know.” He shrugged with that goofy smile of his. One could think he was proud of how they handled Mulciber, but Remus recognized that smile as a friend happy to help. He, however, did not join them on the dock. He stopped a decent distance away from Avery, panting much worse than his friends, though he kept his glare on the Slytherin as he tried to level himself.

Avery turned away from the dock, still amused with himself even if his plan hadn’t quite worked out. He stowed his wand back into his robes casually but stopped in his tracks when he came face to face with Remus, that smirk dripping off his pointed face.

“What were you trying to do?” Remus asked. “This is beneath you two.”

“Is it?” Avery snorted, his grin playing on his lips yet again. “I don’t have to tell you shite.”

“Maybe not me, but I know Slughorn would love to hear it,” Remus threatened, “though I guess detention isn’t so scary to you two anymore, is it?”

“Please.” The Slytherin rolled his eyes. “Grow up, Lupin.” He tried to step around him then and a surge of confidence forced Remus’ legs to intercept him once more.

“You could have killed him, asshole.”

“Shame.” Avery’s eyes were void of sympathy. Remus knew this was because of James’ joke on Snape the year before--it _had_ to have been. Snape was _still_ whining about it, and he heard he was still trying to apologize to Lily. Remus… had a hard time finding any sort of heart for the likes of Snape. If he was so sorry, would Avery and Mulciber still be there, trying to prove something on his behalf?

“You think your daddy can keep pulling you out of your messes?” he pushed. “At some point, you won’t get a free ride. I just hope you don’t kill someone before then.”

“I have a lot more than my daddy to thank,” Avery snorted again. “Merlin, you’re original. Are you going to call me inbred next?”

Remus stopped, unsure what to say. He had expected him to be more up in arms about his relationship with his father… but some purebloods merely embraced their strange relations.

“Why don’t you and your liddle friends go play already?” Avery continued, looming over Remus. “Or, would you fancy they played with you? I heard that’s what you like, right?”

“_Excuse me_?”

“You know what I mean,” Avery stepped closer. “Will lil’ Pete get sympathy knob from you? Or would you let him put--?”

Before Avery could continue, a figure came flying off the dock and slammed into his side, tossing him to the ground. Remus stepped back quickly, his freckled cheeks burning red hot with the Slytherin’s words. There was a moment’s pause before he realized Sirius was on top of Avery, his fist pulling back and snapping forward against his face. Avery was doing his best to push Sirius’ face back, but his fingers slipped too close to his teeth, and a sickening shriek echoed throughout the grounds.

It was too late to run before professors finally showed up.

* * *

“How did you know Mulciber had it?” Peter finally asked. They were calming down in the darkness of their dorm, each gathered along the far window, beside James’ bed. Sirius’ head was backwards on the frame of his bed as Lupin supplied him clean washcloths, having managed to stop the hex that Avery pulled prior to their escape. Bats had been escaping through Sirius’ nose for far too long for Remus not to feel a little sick. However, it was done now. All that was left was to clean up the blood.

“Oh, Remus guessed,” James said, looking up from his newspaper,

“It wasn’t as simple as a guess, but,” Remus started, handing Sirius a cleaned washcloth, “I saw him skulking toward the dungeons when we were looking at the map. I thought it was a little odd he wasn’t down there with you and Avery…”

“I just wanted to beat his ugly mug in,” Sirius sniffed. “And he had the book on him.”

“Right. We found it on him. It was just a hunch, but I knew he was up to something.”

“I don’t know how to thank you guys,” Peter beamed, his round cheeks flushed with amazement. “This was the last thing my dad gave me before he… you know.”

“Of course, dear Wormtail,” James leaned over to pat his back, grinning that big, stupid grin. Remus couldn’t help but grin as well. “Don’t worry about it. It was the least we could do.”

“I think this is all because of the shite you guys pulled on Snape last year,” Remus admitted, gaze flicking between Sirius and James,

“So?” Sirius murmured. “I don’t regret knocking that creep around.”

“You heard the shite he called Lily,” James sat up in protest. “I don’t care!”

“No--No, I know,” Remus put his hands up in surrender. “I’m just wondering if we’re being targeted now.”

“Fuck that guy,” Sirius breathed through the rag, eyes flicking to Remus.

“I’m not afraid of some wannabe death eaters,” James added. “I’ll throw that birdy bitch in the lake next time, see how he bloody likes it.”

Beside him, Peter’s knuckles were white along the spine of the book as he held it to his chest. There was a distant look in his eyes, where he didn’t seem quite there--or like he was having difficulty listening to the conversation suddenly. Remus lost it now, no longer hearing the insults James and Sirius shared about the three Slytherins. He blinked in confusion when Peter seemed to be withdrawing completely by standing up and starting toward his bed.

“Peter,” Remus interrupted. “Hey, Peter. What’s wrong?”

“Oh,” he stopped. “N- Nothing, I just--”

All eyes were on him now--James’ still crooked from being socked by Mulciber earlier.

“Well. Uh. I don’t know. I don’t think you guys will believe me,” Peter finally caved and turned to them.

“Of course we will,” Remus promised, “why wouldn’t we?”

“C’mon, you can tell us anything,” James said to him so casually, yet he gave up instantly. If anyone could convince Peter to talk, it would be James, and there’d be no effort to it.

There was a long pause as Peter sat down beside James again. Sirius straightened in his spot and tossed the bloody washcloth into the bucket of water before Remus. His bleeding had stopped, but his face was still a mess. Remus offered out the other, cleaned washcloth and Sirius shook his head. It took multiple quiet moments of Remus wordlessly pointing at his own face before Sirius took the hint. He took the washcloth to his face with a frown and began cleaning it like a child told to wash up before dinner.

“I saw myself… in the water,” Peter stated, eyes searching around the room,

“That’s called a reflection, mate,” Sirius joked as he passed the cloth over his own cheek.

“No, I mean--it looked like I was in the water. I could barely make it out, but it was as if I was watching myself stare back up at me. Bubbles, um, trickled up from my nose,” Peter’s fingers brushed his nostrils. “I just floated there. A- And when I was falling in, I swear I looked, well, _happy_. Like I was welcoming myself into the lake...”

The room was silent.

“And when James pulled me away, I just sunk,” he added. “And I smiled up at me.”

James shot Remus a look, hoping for any sort of explanation. But. He didn’t have one.

“I’ll go to the library tomorrow,” Remus scratched his head. “I’ll see what I can find--I feel like the concept sounds familiar, but not quite, uh, aquatic?”

“So, you believe me?” Peter sighed with relief.

“Absolutely,” Sirius quickly told him, his excitement shining through his bruised eyes. “Oh, what if something creepy is living in the Black Lake?”

“Well, _yeah_, mate. It’s the Black Lake,” James sizzled out a booming laugh, and Sirius followed suit, weak to how contagious James’ laughter was. It was easier to laugh than dwell on what Peter had just told them, anyway--not that Remus could really share in their amusement. Peter’s relief seemed to loosen him, however, and he was able to laugh along with them after a few, wide eyed seconds of confusion. Remus really, really wanted to join them. He took to a distraction just as well.

Remus took Sirius’ washcloth again and pushed it into his cheek, where he completely missed where blood and hair had stuck to his skin. “Do I need to give you a bath?” Remus tutted like a disapproving mother. “You fleabag.”

“I tried!” Sirius protested, turning back toward Remus. “Here, you just do it. You’re the one who cares so much.”

That was true… he was.


	2. Kindest Relations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James Potter notices a girl has been leaving class early everyday, asking more questions than there are answers. He and Lily share a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is literally the first fanfic I've ever written, which is baffling. What do people say in these things? Like, comment, and subscribe, and don't forget to hit that little bell in the corner so you will be notified of my every movement.
> 
> Tumblr: spacefuneral  
Twitter: fishcarcass  
Patreon: fishfuneral
> 
> New title is a specific reference to "Grand Paradise" by Foxing, but obviously multiple layers of things.  
Old title was from "Limb to Limb" by Mellowdrone.

There were only so many times someone could lift up a snapping lizard by its ribs before all the excitement sort of drained away. The class seemed thrilled in their own right, shuffling over to where Professor Kettleburn stood over two grinning Gryffindor girls. James stood on the edge of the group, far away enough that he showed his disinterest, but not enough for it to be noticable. Peter scrambled from his side, wanting to catch a glimpse of it himself, leaving him effectively alone.

Normally, James and Sirius found ways to entertain themselves when they split up into partners--perhaps in ways that annoyed Kettleburn, though he wasn’t one to complain much. Instead, Sirius and Remus were off on their own, investigating closer to the Black Lake. Remus seemed really concerned about whatever Peter saw a few days prior, and Peter himself refused to go near the water. James would never consider himself a jealous person--no, okay, he would, but not over his friends--but he really wished Sirius had stayed with him regardless. It was boring, looking for lizards.

James pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose idly and, without much thought, began to wander away from the group, further into the trees of the forest. He knew they weren’t exactly allowed to dip into the woods without supervision, but he didn’t plan on going far. Peter would panic if he disappeared too far, of course. Instead, he followed along a shallow path near the edge, glancing between old oaks and gnarled yew, his fingers tracing the bark of one that sat close to safety.

It was funny, actually, standing there like he was, knowing better than to take another step. If he was Prongs, he wouldn’t even hesitate--no, he  _ was  _ Prongs, but if he  _ had  _ his prongs, he’d run free into the woods. It made full moons exciting, more exciting than before they all decided to change themselves. It was a little funny, trying to spend time with Remus when he was his wolfy self, because it was almost entirely impossible. That felt like such a product of the past now--nothing stopped the four of them from staying together. Nothing. He almost wished Sirius was with him again, just so they could go for a light jog...

He heard a snap beside him and he turned suddenly, toward the darkness that engulfed the far ends of the forest. There was nothing there, but he heard footsteps along the brambled floor. Thinking on his feet, his pulled himself up the tree he stood under, long limbs finding themselves easily up its old branches. It was only when he reached the top that he noticed a girl below, walking past him on the skirt of the forest.

She was calm, walking easily along as her silky, black hair bounced against her shoulders. Truthfully, James could barely make out her features through the leaves, but he recognized her quickly as a Ravenclaw girl in his year--one whose name he couldn’t think of, but she tended to keep to herself. Everyone always had a partner except for her, everyone always sat with someone except for her. James pinned her for simply being shy, though there was something odd about her, now that he thought about it. Every class, she always excused herself around the same time… except… now that he thought about it--

“What are you doing up there, James?”

James gaze tore from the girl, down directly where he had climbed up the tree. Below stood Lily Evans, her green eyes as big as the leaves that framed her curious, grinning face. He couldn’t help but grin back at her. Of course  _ she  _ had to be the one who caught him.

“Thought I saw a newt,” he answered,

“That’s a bloody lie,” she countered, humor playing in her tone. “Give me a reason I shouldn’t tell Professor Kettleburn you’re goofing off.”

James glanced Lily over and then took a moment to hop down from the tree, swinging from a branch to land haphazardly beside her. Her arms were crossed defiantly, unimpressed by his antics--though, James felt like he knew a bit better than that; she had to like it in some form. He tutted playfully and shook his head. “Where’s your partner, Miss Evans?” he teased, “did you come find me on your own?”

Her expression remained poised. “I knew you were up to no good,” she told him. “Excuse me for being right.”

“There’s nothing against the rules about climbing a tree,” he countered,

“There is if you’re abandoning poor Peter with Kettleburn.” As she spoke, she pushed a copper strand of hair behind her ear. “Someone should put a leash on you--one of those child leashes.”

“Will Peter hold onto me like a worried mum?” James snickered and leaned his back into the tree behind him.

“Goodness, no. He could never hold you back.” Lily was smiling now, whether she liked it or not.

“So…  _ you  _ then?”

Her smile quickly turned into a faux scowl and she shook her head. “Let’s get back to class, okay?” she said. “Before you come up with any other egregious ideas.”

“I swear, I wasn’t up to anything! I just--I saw a girl leaving and let my curiosity get the best of me.”

“So, you followed a girl through the forest?” Lily’s brow knitted in concern.

“No, I didn’t follow--I,” James scoffed and shook his head right back at her. God, she had to feel that tension, too, right? His smile was so big it was hurting his cheeks. “It’s that girl that always leaves early. Did you ever notice she never comes back to class…?”

“Oh. Hm. No, I haven’t even noticed someone leaving,” Lily softened. “That’s odd. I’d think she has some sort of medical thing though, right? Like how Ethel Pathrook leaves Potions early?”

“Ah. Maybe.” James did not know Pathrook left Potions early. He didn’t say that, however. It was a bit amazing that Lily could find simple solutions to things like that--though, it almost felt meaningless to attend class if she had to leave in the middle of it. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and glanced in the direction of where he last saw the girl. Well. Perhaps he was just being a little too nosy.

He turned, expecting Lily to already be leading the way back to the group, but found her still there. She stood in place, hands behind her back, red lips pinched, looking like she had something to say. James froze. He knew it was stupid, but he instantly wondered if she intentionally found herself alone with him--and if she wanted to say something… something of a confession. But… that was ridiculous. She was so very smart and cute, and she was constantly up his ass about little things. And she was always with Severus--practically, anyway. Though, it was feeding a very petty part of him the less he saw the two of them that year. Regardless, she had no interest in him and never had.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry about what happened with Peter the other day,” she told him.

Oh.

“It wasn’t your fault,” James couldn’t help but chuckle. “What’re you apologizing for?”

“I just felt really awful for him. You lot can be knobheads, but not like Avery and Mulciber…” her gaze fell to her feet.

“Knobheads?” James sputtered, clutching nonexistent pearls, “my word-- _ Lily Evans _ !”

Lily scoffed. “No one will believe you,” she spoke low, and her eyes flicked up to his. He felt his heart leap into his throat. “Regardless. I was glad to see you intervene. You’re a good friend, James. When you’re not being a knobhead, that is.”

With that, she turned from him, leading back toward the group. James couldn’t help but stand frozen in his spot, hand still pressed to his neck. Fantasies of grabbing her by her wrist and kissing her flooded his mind, like an old muggle movie. However, not even in James’ fantasies did the redhead return his advances. She would push away from him, slap him across the face, and he’d deserve it. The thing about Lily was that she was simply  _ so  _ nice that it was impossible not to fall head over heels for her. It was a delayed sort of crush on James’ part, where he always thought she was cute, but it only became more and more pervasive the more he dealt with her over the years. He couldn’t say any other girl held his attention like she held his. The bigger thrill of it, however, was how humbled he was by her disinterest.

James’ interest in a girl used to mean something--or, perhaps, he was used to getting what he wanted, even if what he wanted ended up being not what either of them needed. Lily did not want him, nor did she need him, so… obviously his interest never really meant much to begin with. If they had started dating already, would they have broken up by then? Shallow interest only went so far. Of course, this was something that had to be driven into his head by Remus--just because he wanted a girl, didn’t mean she had to want him back. The world didn’t work like that. It wasn’t so easy.

Still, this one moment of kindness was reeling James in like a hooked fish. The feeling carried his feet as he followed Lily back to class.

* * *

James pulled his tie from his neck and tossed it onto his bed. The rest of the day had been a slow daze, his mind constantly reminding him of Lily’s face as she spoke to him in the forest.  _ A good friend _ . James never felt like he could do right by Lily, and now he wanted to show her how good of a friend he could be. If she’d have him, of course. He felt like he was starting to understand how these things worked--how romance worked. If he wanted Lily to like him, he had to be her friend.

The idea of rejection was beyond scary, but James wasn’t afraid if rejection didn’t mean she hated him.

Across his bed, on the other side, Wormtail was fiddling with his ham radio in silence with big, bulky headphones. James never understood why he tried the thing at Hogwarts, it wasn’t like it could reach anyone. Still, he was pouring over the book James saved for him, staring down at mechanisms that didn’t make any sense. James had never understood this fascination, but Peter’s dad gave it to him or something before he died, and some nights he felt like he could hear Peter calling his name through it. It was sad of course, but Peter seemed happy to flip through the pages and fiddle with buttons, so what could the harm be? He grinned down at the bed as he continued to undress. The true thanks of a job well done was seeing the person he helped be happy, really.

Before James could pull off his shirt, the door banged open as Sirius came rushing in, his uniform shedding from his body faster than his feet could keep up.

“I’m fucking starving,” Sirius announced, flinging his robe onto his bed, now tugging at his own, loose tie. “I know we said we’d go to the pitch ASAP, but I changed my mind. I smelled that roast beef after potions and I’ve been dying all day.”

“... Did we say that?” James rubbed his neck awkwardly,

“Uh.” Sirius scoffed. “Yeah. Where have you been today, mate?”

James laughed a self deprecating laugh and let his hand drop. He was in his own bubble all day, he didn’t even remember making plans with Sirius. Normally he was better about that--much better.

“I’ve been stuck on those lizards all day,” he admitted,

“What, why?”

“Lily and I had a chat in the forest while everyone huddled around Kettleburn,” James turned to Sirius with a wide grin.

“You did fucking not,” Sirius snorted, but he hopped onto his own bed, hand grasping the bannister. “Lizards my ass, of course you were sneaking around with Lily. Did anything happen?”

“No,” James’ brow creased with amusement, “she just wanted to say how cool I was for helping Peter.”

“Uh huh.”

“And then she called me a knobhead and left.”

“Must be exhausting being so fucking easy,” Sirius told him with a mocking laugh. “I guess it’s slim pickings with Lily, eh?”

“Says the guy who hasn’t even snogged a girl,” James shot back. “You can’t talk.”

“That’s a personal choice, my lovely Prongs,” Sirius flopped onto his bed, his open shirt blowing to the side as he did so.

“Yeah, and that’s weird!” James told him. “You talk yourself up but you can’t even kiss a girl!”

“Haven’t found my Lily, I guess,” Sirius crossed his arms behind his head, smirking. “If I had a Lily, I’d snog her.”

James supposed he couldn’t argue with that. He had been with girls before, but… Lily was special, wasn’t she? If he was with Lily, he’d never want to kiss another girl for the rest of his life. Hell, he couldn’t think of the last time he even did, not since he fell so hard.

“Fair,” he murmured.

Finally, Remus showed up, his arms full of books that he carried with a wobble in his step. They collapsed onto his bed instantly and he sighed, seeming almost defeated. Out of all of them, he was the cleanest, aside from his uniform being virtually shedded as well. Remus seemed to always put an effort into himself, despite how realistically messy he was as a person. James tried to prod him to be true to himself, but it was hard to argue with a werewolf.

“I think I’ve looked through just about every creature book in the library--still working on curses,” he started. “My initial thoughts were a doppelganger, but I have found nothing about doppelgangers living in the water.”

“What are your thoughts now?” Sirius asked, still lounging in bed.

“A boggart, maybe?” Remus rubbed his upper arm. His eyes flicked to Peter, who seemed to only somewhat acknowledge the rest of them. When he was focused, he wasn’t easily disturbed.

“Ah, I could see those bastards hiding a boggart in the water,” Sirius scoffed,

“But is that really Peter’s biggest fear…? Dragging himself down?” Remus pondered out loud. They all glanced at each other then.

“Sounds like him,” James said and snatched a t-shirt from the floor beside his bed.

“Yeah, I can see it,” Sirius agreed.

“Mm. Okay,” Remus breathed a small laugh.

That was something none of them wanted to talk about. James especially didn’t want to discuss the issues their friend had--especially not in front of the poor bloke. Still, that reminded James of something--the whole water thing.

“Have you guys noticed that girl who leaves CoMC early?” he asked, turning to them and adjusting his skewed glasses. They didn’t seem to have a glimmer of understanding of what he was talking about. James continued. “She’s a Ravenclaw, I think? Long, brown hair? Kinda minty? She never comes back to class afterward.”

“Oh. Aurora Ruiz,” Sirius pointed a finger toward him, and James immediately pointed a finger back,

“Aurora Ruiz!” he laughed, “yeah, I saw her walking by the forest edge, it was weird.”

“... Aurora Ruiz hasn’t been in divination for a few weeks,” Remus mused. “I haven’t noticed her in CoMC, honestly. I didn’t even know she was in that class with us…”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot she was in divination,” Sirius said,

“I wonder if she’s okay…” James shrugged.

There was a long silence as they all continued to change out of their uniforms, the only noise coming from Peter’s radio in the form of crinkly static.

“Wait. Ravenclaw doesn’t share CoMC with us,” Remus had stopped in his tracks, his green eyes picking up to James. “You sure it’s her?”

“Absolutely,” James replied, his brow lowering. “Huh, that’s weird. What’s she been doing there then…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one wasn't really proofread but I'll probably fix it up later.
> 
> Lemme just add onto the mystery slowly and painfully.


	3. Thickest Mane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius brings a drunken Remus back up to their dorm after a party. They're tender with one another, as tender as Sirius Black can be, and they take a nostalgia trip to their second year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is literally the first fanfic I've ever written, which is baffling. What do people say in these things? Like, comment, and subscribe, and don't forget to hit that little bell in the corner so you will be notified of my every movement.
> 
> Tumblr: spacefuneral  
Twitter: fishcarcass  
Patreon: fishfuneral
> 
> New title is a specific reference to "Grand Paradise" by Foxing, but obviously multiple layers of things.  
Old title was from "Limb to Limb" by Mellowdrone.

From downstairs, Sirius could still hear the thumping music coming from the party, each pulse causing his headache to kick his brow. Atticus Grey decided to take over the common room for the night and no one ever missed a Grey party, even those who shouldn’t push their luck so close to the full moon. So, of course, Sirius had a drunken Remus slung around him as they walked back up to their dorm alone. Peter and James must have fucked off--or, maybe, they were already passed out. Sirius didn’t know. He stayed with their werewolf for most of the night.

Remus was hilarious when he let his guard down, it was like catching a professor out in public over the summer, and that night was no different. With just a few drinks, he nearly accepted a dare to strip his pants off and only stopped because James saved the day and pulled him aside. Sirius didn’t see what the problem was, they had all done worse, but James had to sorely remind him that Remus wasn’t necessarily the type to bite back shame. Sirius, meanwhile, thought it would be a good thing to have their friend let his hair down. There was no shame in antics, they were expected when they drank. If they kept Remus closed up, he’d stay closed up. He shined his brightest when he let loose, took off his tie, laughed at his own jokes, unabashedly drank whatever was placed in his hands, so long as it was sweet.

Of course, Sirius liked when Remus wasn’t so drunk that he couldn’t walk; more so, he liked when Remus knew what he was doing. One of them had to know what they were doing. Fuck, _ none _ of them _ knew _what they were doing.

Sirius pulled Remus into their dorm, his head rolling sleepily against his savior’s shoulder. It took some slow maneuvering around Remus’ cluttered to shit covers for Sirius to finally plant the smaller boy on his bed instead, too drunk and defeated to move stuff around for the bloke to be able to sleep. “Stay there,” he murmured, slapping his friend’s chest. Remus groaned and tried to pull himself up, but couldn’t seem to make it up the headboard. With a quick once-over, Sirius found that neither James nor Peter had made it to the dorm, much to his disgruntlement. He hated being the responsible one! Maybe Remus shouldn’t have drank! Maybe Remus should have been the one carrying Sirius upstairs and tossing him into bed.

“Padfoot…?” Remus murmured, followed by a distressing gag, like a dog choking on a bone.

“Right here, Moony,” Sirius answered with a tired sniff.

It was lucky then that not only did their fifth dormmate not seem to be there, either, but it also wouldn’t have mattered if he was. He was constantly in his own world, one mostly centered around porn and herbology. Sirius always had titty posters hanging up around his side of the dorm, but Ol’ Johnny really took the cake. His incessant wanking and herb-induced naps made it way too easy to fuck around behind his back--including, but not limited to, openly discussing their private affairs, and the freedom to address each other however they liked.

Sirius preferred _ Moony _, but he supposed he wasn’t one to really say it.

“I don’t feel so hot,” Remus told him, clutching the buttons of his shirt with a sweaty hand, collar bone poking through the thin fabric. He was a pathetic heap, and it played Sirius’ heartstrings like a broken guitar to come help him.

“Alright, alright,” Sirius sighed and sat himself down on the opposite side of the bed. He grabbed his bedside cup and, with the tip of his wand, poured water into it. A hand slipped behind Remus’ neck and he offered the cup out to him with the other.

“Mmph--no, no more, I can’t drink any more,” Remus shook his head,

“Don’t be daft, ‘s just water,” Sirius clicked his tongue and brought it to his friend’s lips. The werewolf’s eyes fluttered further open. The moon grew high in the sky, bright through their window, into the puffy eyes of Remus and shining a halo of green beneath his weighted lashes. Sirius wasn’t sure why he noticed this, or why he noticed that he noticed this. There was something about Remus that, when they sat with each other like this, he wondered why he didn’t see James the same way. It was two different kinds of friendships. Of course, maybe Remus’ femininity made it easier to notice feminine qualities, like having eyelashes. Or eyes.

Water dripped down the sides of Remus’ lips as he drank before he whimpered in protest. Sirius snapped back into focus and pulled the cup away, only for Remus’ hand to catch his and pull it back to his lips. It was only when the cup was empty that Remus finally loosened his fingers.

“You’re gonna get sick drinking that fast, y’know,” Sirius nagged.

“I didn’t realize how good water tastes,” Remus muttered,

“You gotta drink more water everyday, mate. Tea don’t count.” He placed the cup back down, but Remus’ hand stayed stuck to his. Sirius wasn’t sure why this wasn’t bothering him--would he be bothered by James acting this way? He knew he’d tell Peter to act his age if _ he _did that, but… there was something caught in Sirius’ throat when Remus took his hand to his cheek and rested it there.

“Um,” Sirius breathed, and he drifted their hands upward to wipe Remus’ wet chin with his thumb. “I won’t tell you about this tomorrow. You poor bloke.”

“Okay,” Remus murmured.

“You gonna be alright on your own?”

“No.”

“Alright,” Sirius sighed. He chose to lie on his side and leave his hand clutched in Remus’.

“Stay with me, please,” his friend whispered out of nowhere. “I don’t want to be alone right now…”

“Um, ‘m not going anywhere,” Sirius gave an incredulous laugh. “You’re in _ my _bed, anyway. Merlin, you’re out of it tonight, huh?”

“I just want to stay like this…”

Remus breathed sloppily through his mouth, heavy and hot from the booze and antics. It was then that he noticed how Remus’ heart was pounding against his fingertips and how red his cheeks were. The guy couldn’t handle his alcohol, that was for sure, but there was something so unbelievably vulnerable in that moment that Sirius couldn’t place. Sirius felt like he could be caught at any moment, and he couldn’t figure out what he would be caught doing. This was far from the first time they laid together like this, even before they started getting up to late night booze binges and whatnot. But, their fingers were tight, Remus’ face soft like an old book page and warmer than he’d ever imagine, and… that was… different...

“Ahh, that feels nice,” he murmured,

“What?” Sirius snipped, tensing for a second.

“Your hand feels nice.”

“_What… _?”

Their hands moved to Remus’ opposite cheek, and Sirius was sure his own burned just as his friend’s burned. What was this…? There was no way his hand was _ that _much colder. Did Remus want him touching him, or…? He could act pretty funny the fuller the moon was, anyway. He pulled at his own robes, ate a lot, had to be convinced to hydrate. If he were the sporty type, Merlin knew he’d be hurting himself with his habits. Even the brilliant could be fucking daft, and Remus was proof of it--and it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault he couldn’t handle his beer, either. Sirius sighed on behalf of his friend. They all had those things, didn’t they? They were all a big family, joined by their circumstances… and not just Hogwarts, either. Their lives were pretty tragic in their own ways--maybe not exactly like Remus’ lycanthropy or Peter’s dad passing suddenly, but…

Sirius didn’t have a good life at home. It was all strained and aggressive and, at times, he wondered if he’d even come back to a home at all. What stopped them from cutting him out? And, well, fuck, he latched on to James’ dad like some kind of kicked puppy, but the man was a piece of work in his own right. It wasn’t a real bond, it wasn’t real paternal love. All of them had that issue: None had anywhere else to go but each other. They were all illusions of safety, especially on James’ part; he denied just about everything his parents did wrong. Sirius knew he had to be the only one to really see it, and maybe one day they all would, too. They were all kicked animals. All of them. Remus… being surprisingly more delicate than the rest in certain ways, whether he knew it or not.

There was a long moment before Sirius’ thumb met Remus’ lips, to wipe away the water that still glistened--though, truthfully he wasn’t quite sure _ why _he did it. Maybe out of a surge of affection, like one booped the snout of a dog. His friend breathed out hot against his skin, lips slick and plush as he pushed against them. This was weird, but also sort of… memorizing. Sirius never touched another person’s lips before, though he pretended otherwise. They were surprisingly soft and flexible, in ways he didn’t notice with his own. Remus had golden hairs stuck to the corner of his mouth, thin split ends like cobweb, looking closer and closer to a smutty film the longer Sirius looked. It wasn’t until he heard Remus whimper that he came to his senses and released.

Sirius returned his thumb to Remus’ cheek, but his eyes stayed glued in place, watching that lower lip pinch between white teeth. This was _ weird _ . Why did he just do that…? It was normal to touch friends like that, right? It wasn’t _ inherently _strange. Remus would get close with him, touch his face from time to time, to wipe dirt from his cheek--or, well, blood--or just when they were fucking around with whatever board game that held their interest that night. Yeah… it wasn’t so weird when he thought of it like that.

“Do you remember when you first found me?” Remus asked suddenly and turned his head toward Sirius, eyelids lifting heavily.

“Huh?” Sirius’ looked anywhere but Remus’ face. “Oh, um. In the shack?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Do you ever think about it…?”

That was a surprising question. Of course he did; he was sure they all did. It wasn’t often they came face to face with a werewolf, after all--or the aftermath of one. Hell, it was kind of the defining moment of their friendship, wasn’t it? There was no looking back after that day; it was the start of everything, the forming of their family... the day they broke their promise to Remus.

* * *

The room was pitch black, save for the slivers of light that cut into the carpet from the curtains. Night was beginning to lay heavily on the sky, dinner was being served in the great hall, but three boys sat in their dorm on the request of a very agitated James Potter. Sirius expected this to be something trivial, something that would last all of two seconds once it was done and planned, so that he could go stuff his face already. But. James’ idea wasn’t so great this time around.

“I think something bad’s happening,” James adjusted his glasses, frames big against his scrawny build. “I think he’s been hiding something.”

“Um, course he is,” Sirius replied, “he’s always going on about us not following him. It’s either bad or embarrassing, right?”

“So, we should help him,” James turned to him. “What can it be where we can’t possibly help out?”

“I dunno, money,” Sirius shrugged,

“Adult stuff…” Peter was timid to deny James. “Stuff we wouldn’t understand, and adults would and can help him…”

“What can an adult do that we can’t?” James protested.

“Ministry stuff…”

“Or, uh, detention or something,” Sirius added.

“No, not Remus--what could Remus be getting in trouble for like that and we aren’t? It’s been going on since we got here, anyway. Remember how hard it was to even get him to say what he was doing? ‘Going somewhere.’ _ Of course _ he’s _ going _somewhere.”

“He said Dumbledore is helping him, though,” Peter replied. “Don’t you remember that? It must be serious…”

James, however, wasn’t pleased with their protests. Once Sirius understood just how much it was bothering him, he finally caved. It wasn’t like James to worry so much, not ever since they met--he more often worried other people than worried himself. Sirius didn’t like going against Remus’ wishes, but at least they could say it was just because they cared, right? And of course Peter followed without protest once Sirius agreed--the guy was a fraidy cat, but he rarely cowered, something Sirius could appreciate.

At James’ insistence, they sat and waited by the entrance to the courtyard, blanketed by his cloak of invisibility. It took some maneuvering to properly sit down in it altogether, but Sirius and James were scrawny enough to squeeze together. James had never looked so focused before, his brow curving tightly behind the rim of his glasses.

“How do you know he’ll be here?” Peter asked,

“Shh.” James replied.

“You’ve followed him before,” Sirius scoffed, but he couldn’t say he was surprised.

“He always disappears here,” James admitted, a look of defeat crossing his expression momentarily. “I kinda wanted you lot here, anyway.”

“I’d be pretty pissed if you found out without us, yeah,” Sirius whispered. “You git.”

“Well, you’re now,” James snipped back, but they all fell quiet once the form of Remus came scurrying out the door.

He had his books with him, as if he hadn’t had time to put them in the room before rushing off, and he was certainly _ rushing _. Once he was a decent distance, the boys quickly peeled apart and came following after him, James disappearing beneath his cloak and leaving Sirius and Peter on their own. Despite how slow of a runner Peter was, he was rather good at sneaking about, from what Sirius saw. The two of them stuck together, Sirius shadowing behind Peter in an effort to somewhat hide--he’d rather just rush in, but he knew he couldn’t. There seemed to be panic behind Remus’ steps, as he seemed more eager to run than to make sure he wasn’t being tailed.

Their footsteps came to a pattering halt near the whomping willow, having lost sight of Remus completely from their attempt to stay a distance away from him. Sirius murmured obscenities beneath his breath as he hunched over to level himself, Peter hoarsely panting beside him. “Fuck. Where’d they go…?”

“You won’t believe it!”

Peter yelped and clutched his chest, like an old man in the body of a twelve year old. Sirius snickered, but James’ head emerging from thin air could frighten the best of them. James eyes were almost as wide as his glasses, his smile beaming up at Sirius like he just discovered the coolest thing ever.

“He went _ into _the tree.”

Before they could understand exactly what James meant by that, the willow switched to life with almost comical timing--of course it would, why hadn’t they realized it would? In an effort to protect him, Sirius grabbed Peter’s arm and sprinted forward, after James’ bouncing head. The tree moaned against its wooden limbs, as they attempted to come crashing down onto the the running trio. Debris splattered against Sirius’ cheek as he pulled Peter aside from the willow’s fist, and before another could meet its mark, they reached the base.

“In here, in here!” James urged, and the two of them came tumbling down, into a dusty tunnel beneath the roots of the beast.

“Bloody shit,” Sirius groaned, rubbing his tailbone fruitlessly. From there, he could barely see where the tunnel led. He hoped, in the very least, that Remus didn’t hear them coming--or maybe, if he did, he could explain to them what the hell was happening. “This sucks.”

“I don’t have a good feeling about this…” Peter whimpered,

“I don’t either,” James admitted, though his smile betrayed his solemn tone, “but you have to admit, this is _ wicked _.”

Sirius cast lumos with his wand and led the party further down the tunnel, James’ courage suddenly waning in the face of low grade horror. It _ was _eerie, in truth. Sirius’ skin was cold and clammy beneath the cotton of his sweater, uncomfortably so, but… in truth, he was growing more and more curious as the mystery unfolded. Initially, all was quiet except for their footsteps, but soon the dirt above them seemed to creak and moan. Wooden beams supported it, but it felt more like there was something above them.

It wasn’t until they heard heavy thumping, as if someone were stomping above them, that the trio paused.

“What--? What is that?” Peter was shivering in his shoes now, and James patted his back affectionately.

“Nothing dangerous!” he assured him, beyond poorly. “If it was dangerous, how’d Remus be able to go here all the time?”

“But--what if it just likes him, whatever it is…?” Peter wasn’t easily convinced, but he had very like choice in the matter.

The tunnel ended with a wooden trapdoor above their heads. With a single glance toward James--whose fists clenched along the hem of his cloak, excitement radiating and contagious--Sirius lifted the door to lead the trio into the darkness above.

“It’s… an old house,” Sirius told them, almost disappointed. “Like, really old.”

“Huh?” James followed behind quickly, before his expression crashed and spoke a thousand words. “Oh.”

Yeah… _ oh _. Sirius wasn’t sure what to expect, but his nana’s bedroom wasn’t it. He sighed. Even if it wasn’t exciting, they still needed to get to the bottom of it. There was still that sound they heard, still Remus’ whereabouts--and whyabouts. He shined his light down the dusty hall, finding there to be tracks leading down it. The house creaked with the wind outside, almost as if it would break at any moment, and each step felt like he was revealing himself to everyone within a hundred kilometer radius, so he slowed to nearly a crawl as he moved down the corridor.

“Here,” James whispered, covering the three of them in his cloak again as they shuffled along. “Stay quiet.”

“I don’t like this,” Peter whimpered again. “Can I stay back?”

“No!” James answered, attempting to yell quietly. “We all have to be here. Remus needs us.”

“Shut up,” Sirius told them. “Do you hear that?”

The footsteps were shifting around on the other side of the door at the far end. They all froze as they listened, as if waiting for the footsteps to be directed toward them. They were loud, and it almost sounded like an animal… or maybe just multiple people…?

“Maybe he’s taking dance lessons,” Sirius joked. “With a ghost.”

“I hope that’s all it is,” James said. They were quiet again. Sirius edged them forward.

There was absolutely something behind that door, and the more Sirius listened, the less positive he was that it could ever be human. It felt like ages before they reached it, and even longer as they stared at the handle, waiting for it to open itself.

“Fuck it,” Sirius murmured. The door swung open gently with just a push of his hand.

Inside, the room didn’t have much of anything. There were remnants of what was once a dresser, maybe a crib beside it, and a child’s bed sat in the middle, ragged and torn. It wasn’t a comfortable looking place, and with how grey and empty it was, it felt like it had never meant to be lived in. Sirius cast his wand along the walls, looking for whatever the hell had been making that noise, hesitant to step further in until he did.

“I don’t like this…” Peter sounded like he had tears in his eyes.

“Looks like our imagina… tion…” As James spoke, his words seemed to fail him. The shadow of the kid’s bed seem to raise from behind it, followed by what almost looked like two torches above its moth-eaten comforter. “What is that…?”

A single paw rose and planted itself onto the bed, and then another. Black fur hid the creature’s body in its own shadow, but soon its teeth came razor sharp from its snout, and its malnourished form moved smooth over the bed it had just been hiding behind. Its belly was hairless, its features were dark skinned and patchy. It couldn’t see them, but it could see Sirius’ light. He quickly snuffed it out with a small “_knox_” beneath his breath.

The creature seemed startled by the disappearing light, as its claws tapping against the floorboards to approach the doorway. If they backed away slowly, they’d get away safely. It didn’t see them, it didn’t know they were there.

“W- Werewolf!” Peter burst, his face as red as a balloon. “_ Werewolf! _”

Without skipping a beat, Sirius turned around and grabbed Peter by the collar of his shirt. “You idiot! Run!”

There was a brief, merciful second before the animal realized what was happening. It burst from the room, its shoulders checking the frame as it charged. James led into the open, dusty area they had arrived in, and he flung the trapdoor back open in attempt to flee into the tunnel. Sirius didn’t hesitate. He flung Peter in, bounding after him carelessly, landing awkwardly on top of his friend. Before they could gather themselves from the drop, James toppled down into the heap, the door audibly slamming above them.

“Ow!” James yelped and picked himself up. With another bang came another “ow!” When Sirius’ wand lit up again, James was helplessly rubbing his head, his back against the dirt wall and hair brushing against the door above. He must have hit it when sitting back up.

“We gotta go,” James said. “I don’t know if that thing will try to follow us--can werewolves open doors?”

“No, wait…” Sirius pulled himself aside, giving Peter space to breathe and sniffle into his hands. He patted his friend on the back. “You alright, Peter?”

“Th- That was scary… I’m so sorry, you guys,” he shook his head. “I should have stayed quiet.”

“We got out okay,” James reassured him. “We’re alive.”

“Did you say werewolf?” Sirius questioned,

“Y- Yeah…”

“Was that a werewolf…?” Glancing between the two of them, they all seemed to be on the same page.

“It looked like one,” Peter said, “I dunno…”

“I think it was.” Sirius said, “I think I know exactly what that was.”

“Should we wait for Remus then?” James’ hand collapsed into his lap. “He’s probably going to come back this way, right?”

“Let’s wait,” Sirius gave a nod. “I think we’re onto something.”

It was a long night made easier by sleeping beneath James’ cloak. The tunnel wasn’t ideal, and the creaking made it hard to close their eyes, but they managed to wait it out for quite some time. It was Sirius who woke first and, upon noticing the stillness in the air, sat up to push open the door and peek into the house above. Daylight crept along the dirty floor, sunrise breaking through the boarded windows. He knew he’d feel stupid if he was wrong, but Remus clearly hadn’t come back just yet. The mystery wasn’t over. They weren’t done.

Peter was reluctant to follow them back inside, but James coaxed him up with the promise of sunlight. The house was so completely quiet, as if the night before had never happened. Claw marks covered the floor around the trapdoor, but nothing deep enough to burrow into it. The wolf must have given up, or maybe got distracted by something else, but… the truth was apparent, at any rate.

Remus Lupin was a werewolf. There, his best friends found him, curled up in a ball on the other side of that ragged children’s bed. He looked like he had been crying all night, his eyes swollen and pink and his golden hair matted against his cheeks. Out of all the things they guessed he was up to, this was not one of them. It was unbelievable, almost insane, though it was more so astonishing that they never put the pieces together. Sirius’ stomach was being eaten up with guilt.

“So… should we wake him?” James whispered,

“Y- Yeah. I think so,” Sirius agreed, “no turning back now.”

He stooped down and nudged his friend’s shoulder gently. “Hey,” he called to him. “Remus? Remus, wake up.”

The boy’s eyes fluttered open and, after a moment’s haze, lifted to meet Sirius’. There was a beat, the gears of his mind clearly grinding against each other as the situation dawned on him. In an instant, Remus began crying. Loud crying. Huge, gasping breaths and sobs. He threw his arms around Sirius’ neck and bawled into his shoulder.

“H- Hey!” he protested, “it’s okay! Don’t cry!” But it was pointless. James approached from the opposite end and fell to his knees, and he wrapped his arms around the two of them as well, followed by Peter, who started crying along with Remus, almost just by proximity. Maybe Sirius had tears in his eyes, maybe he was just overwhelmed. They sat there, holding each other, until Remus dried up and he quietly hiccuped into Sirius’ sweater.

“Sorry we broke our promise,” James said,

“Yeah… sorry, Remus,” Sirius echoed.

“N- No, don’t say sorry,” Remus laughed and picked his head up, leaving Sirius’ shoulder cold and wet. He shivered in their arms, eyes too heavy to look at any of them. “Ah, jeez, I can’t believe it’s over… it feels _ good _.”

“You could have just told us,” James prodded, being the first to let go of the huddle.

“No, he couldn’t have,” Peter squeezed a bit tighter for a beat. “You can’t tell people things like this, you don’t know if they’d understand.”

“Exactly,” Remus agreed. “I feel stupid now--of course you guys… you guys understand, right?”

“Right.” Sirius offered a smile. “You’re a secret werewolf. It’s cool--it’s more than cool, really.”

“It’s wicked cool,” James interjected,

“It has to stay a secret…” Remus wiped his nose, and Peter broke from the huddle. “Please, guys…”

“Yeah, duh.” Sirius didn’t mince words.

“Your secret is safe with us,” Peter told him, smiling meekly behind his own dripping face.

“There’s no one to tell, anyway,” James added. “Nobody. It’s just us, yeah? We’ll be your keepers--whatever it’s called.”

Remus seemed so overwhelmed in that moment, Sirius expected him to collapse into his arms again. Instead, he finally broke away and laughed at himself. There was something in his expression that Sirius didn’t understand, only that he was happy--happy to have Remus’ trust despite what they did, happy to see Remus smile despite it all. He smiled back.

* * *

“All the time,” Sirius murmured to his friend. “Especially the morning after.”

Remus chuckled and his eyelids lifted heavily, glowing once again in the light from the window. The full moon was so close, and so was the wolf inside his friend, and moments like this could be so difficult on a good day. Maybe it was because Remus was so vulnerable that he felt like he could talk about the past like that, something along those lines. Sirius could compare it to those moments where he felt like he could break--when he was alone at home, when he felt like Hogwarts wasn’t worth the struggle. He could tell Remus was at his limit. If only Sirius could let himself feel like Remus felt… maybe then he’d deal with the weight of it all.

“I do too,” Remus spoke, squeezing Sirius’ hand. “If it weren’t for you, I don’t know where I’d be right now…”

“It was James’ idea to follow you,” Sirius was incredulous, if only because he was caught off guard.

“It’s always James’ idea,” Remus let out a soft laugh. “You’re the one who follows it through, though… that’s how it is.”

“That’s ‘cause I’m dumb. Chasing a werewolf and all that because he said I should.”

“Right, _ okay _.” Remus scoffed. “I just--I sometimes dream I’m waking up, and there’s a face in my face, and I…” A grin played on his lips as his eyes drifted closed. “It’s relieving. A- And I’m happy, in some sort of domestic way. Do you know what I mean?”

“Not really,” Sirius answered, eyes flicking side to side. “What’s that have to do with anything?”

“Mm.” Remus hummed, clearly fading into sleep, his fingers loosening on Sirius’. “I wish you did.”

Sirius stared at Remus for a moment, before the rhythm of his breathing grew deep and slowed, and it was apparent the werewolf finally succumbed to sleep. Sirius had no idea what Remus meant by that, but he was drunk and tired, it probably only made sense in his head. He wouldn’t remember the next day, and maybe Sirius wouldn’t either. He slipped his hand from underneath Remus’ and wrapped himself with his own arms, curling into himself to try to get some sleep. In a way, he hoped he’d remember… he wanted to remember. Casual intimacy… who knew it would leave Sirius so starved?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just moved to Oregon and I was writing this on and off during my move! I hope this was worth some sort of wait for those who are following this!
> 
> Edited a little bit because I wrote this while tipsy from a night of Overwatch and drinking. Oops!


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